Not so bad:)Iv'e just been diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder(Clinical Depression).
I thought it was what i had but id not been diagnosed and ulthough the doctors/Thearapists have said they think i have another mental illness aswell..Im happy that theres some diagnosable condition as to the way i am feeling.
Im now on Anti Depressants and ulthough at the moment only the side effects have kicked in,im feeling a lot more optomistic about the future.
I have also come more to terms with an issue in my past that still haunts me,I no longer feel anger towards myself because it was not my fault and i was too young to have idea of what was happening,All my anger and hurt has now turned to the people who caused this....
I have hundreds of questions and i wish i knew more about what happened rather than this almost blank nothingness,apart from the basic facts even them im not 100% sure.
Its still as if these people stole apart of me and of my childhood.I don't think i will ever accept what happened as ok with me,but hopefully i can accept it to where by i can get on with my life.
x
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You're So Good At Pretending Everything Is Alright.
It seems weird somehow to be pouring out myself in this little box that noone reads yet anyone in the whole world could if they so choose.
It's very anti-me as i usually hide things whem im feeling down and confussed especially those close to me,yet here i am hinting at thinks even the simplest person can pick up on.
This girl is actually insane,as in needs mental help.
well maybe if i was clasified i'd be happy instead of this constant uncertainty as to "why i am how and who i am".
I feel like peircing myself,its better than my other coping mechanisim.I promised someone who is now gone that i wouldn't harm myself so im not going to.
I don't know why im saying this,why i can't keep the persona of being ok..even online it's too hard to pretend anymore.
Maybe things will be ok after friday,but im scared...
what if noone can help?
Im right back down here as the little fuck-up girl who everything seems like it should be ok.
I don't want to be this person with "problems",just another angsty,depressed teenager...
Nonone seems to understand this is an illness.an illness im trying to fight..........
I need some peace form my fucked up twisted head...
why why why am i still so low?
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*My Weakness is I care too much*
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What's the world coming to?
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What's the world coming to?
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Is there anything more beautiful than a beautiful, beautiful flamingo, flying across in front of a beautiful sunset? And he's carrying a beautiful rose in his beak, and also he's carrying a very beautiful painting with his feet. And also, you're drunk.
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(>^-^)> ~WOO~ <(^-^< )
posted some poems.
Not so Sweet Sixteen,Cutting Myself Deep and Staring in the Mirror.
but there not how im feeling today,im in a really strange mood my head is filled with creative peices and phrases,jet i sit down to write and nothing is coming out or flowing.
I feel like drawingyet i have no inspriation.
I can't get any of my pictures online as i don't have a scanner so all i can put on at the momment is my poetry.
Really wired Mood,maybe i should eat somethign
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*My Weakness is I care too much*
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PEACE!
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